Green Around the Gills

That's how I'm feeling right now. All day I've had a headache, just lingering and annoying. After lunch it was full-blown and it's making me feel like I'm going to vom... The only thing I can attribute it to is the Clomid. I felt fine when I woke up, I eat the same boring foods everyday... Nothing else to blame it on because ::knocks on wood:: I BETTER not be getting sick for real on a Friday!!!

Damn you Clomid, if I don't get out of this office soon I am going to have a melt down! My FIL is in town and I'm supposed to pick him up after work and we're meeting DH for dinner, ::gags:: I hope I'm feeling better by then. Only 3 more nights of Clomid...

I might not make it.

Dear Clomid,

Since my RE has upped my dose to 100mg from 50mg this letter is to ask you to please be good to me for the next 4 days. Please let me sleep at night, I know how you usually like to give me insomnia. And no hot flashes OK? Also could you please keep my irritability to a minimum? I'm already quite irritable that I have to take you to begin with since I can't seem to get pregnant. My DH would love this latter request as he'll be around for the next 4 days and he usually gets the brunt of the melt-downs... Also could you please help me grow lots of great follies so that we have a good chance this time? This is our last IUI, a "hail Mary" if you will. It would be great if you could do your part in this process.

Hugs & kisses,

MrsHoppy

Wordless Wednesday (Baby Nephew Warning!)

Moving Forward...

Slowly but surely we need to move forward. I say we but I really mean me, I think my DH is looking ahead instead of back. I've been in some kind of a hole of depression since Saturday's BFN. It probably doesn't look like it on the outside - but on the inside I'm not doing very well. All the feelings of being out of control and unhappy came flooding back. I guess that's what happens when your hope is - yet again - taken from you in an instant.

Questions are reeling in my mind... My mind is racing... I can't sleep... I feel anxious. It's time to call my therapist and make another appointment. As soon as I'm done here I will do that.

But, in moving forward news... I talked to my nurse yesterday and we're going to start 100mg of Clomid tomorrow, CD5-9. I have an u/s scheduled for 8/4 and then I realized something so annoying. We are going to be out of town 8/5-8/8 on my DH's annual family camping trip. One my DH organized and we can't miss. Family is coming in from out of town, the whole bit. So... I talked to my nurse again today and we're going to see how it plays out, timing-wise. Since we'll be gone I'm going to use OPKs (which will be interesting while camping...!) and if it's positive while we are gone we'll just do TI (sucktastic). If it's positive when we get back we'll do our final IUI (keeping fingers crossed for this!).

The positive is that we'll save $125 on a trigger shot this month, I've never had problems with OPK's before so I'm comfortable timing the IUI this way. The negative is that we'll have to cycle again next month if we miss the IUI because of being out of town. Just another month of meds, another u/s to pay for, more appointments and trying to time it around my birthday vacation in September which sucks ass.

We shall see how it all plays out and until then... all we can do is move forward.

Stark White

Yesterday was 14dpiui and so I POAS. Stark white of course. It hurt, I cried and my DH was amazing. He just held me and I know he was upset too. But in all honesty I wasn't very surprised. It's easy to dream of what it would feel like to see a positive test. To think about how it would feel to tell everyone something finally worked in our favor. But then reality hits and I just don't know if that's ever going to happen to me. To us.

I think we're planning to get IUI #6 out of the way in August. If that isn't successful I'll be looking into our next option. We have some ideas that I'll get into here if it comes to that.

Yesterday afternoon was kind of hard - we had plans to go up to our college town for a birthday BBQ. There were lots of pregnant friends and new babies there. I'm proud I did as well as I did but that could have been because our oldest dog came with us and ended up getting pretty sick. We had to take him to the emergency vet in that town and $470 later I'm glad to say that he is feeling much better today! We had fun, went to a bar we used to frequent when we lived there and spent time with old friends.



Hanging with Aaron



The boys, don't mind the middle finger!



I'm so happy I have him

311

While I wish I could say 311 was my EDD - I don't know yet! But what I do know is that I had a fabulous night at the 311 and Offspring concert last night with my sister and BIL. They put on an amazing show! And in Summer 2010 fashion of course it rained on us. Not as bad as MGMT but it seems that every time I go to Red Rocks this Summer it's going to rain...



Red Rocks!



Sad because of the rain

Love

This is what I love. The beautiful outdoors and my DH. I just need to look at pictures like this to remember how lucky I am - we might not have everything we want but we have each other.