Tuesday, December 15, 2009

To run or not to run...

Well I've been sick since last Wednesday - congested, cough, exhausted, you get the gist. So after missing workouts my last 2WW (for NO reason!, damn you BFN) I missed even more last week. I went last night and just did the bike and lifted but I really feel like a good long run. But I don't know if I'm ready, if my lungs are ready. Should I just suck it up and go do 2 miles or something? That would be better than nothing right? And if I get tired I can just stop.
There - I talked myself into it! It won't take long anyway and then it's home to clean our filthy house before our cookie decorating party tomorrow night! And a much needed beer, or 2... with friends.

Monday, December 7, 2009


I am so frustrated. That's the best way to sum it up. I hate this IF journey and wish it was over. I am so done. I took a test Saturday morning 12DPIUI and got a stark white. Nothing, nada. Right before going to a baby shower... Which was fine, it wasn't hard as I'm SO very happy for my friend. It's just part of the IF battle I suppose. We then had a fun night in our college town at a surprise birthday party. Stayed up way too late and played "we are in college again". Paid for it yesterday!

In other craptastic news - my DH is having a flare up of his ulcerative colitis. Don't worry, no gory details but it's not good. When he was diagnosed 5 years ago he landed in the hospital for 2 weeks, got a blood clot in his leg and his heart stopped because he was in such bad shape... SO needless to say I'm worried. Really worried. But he's going to the Doctor this afternoon and we will be back to taking it easy. He needs lots of rest and a healthy diet. So... hopefully 2009 will be over soon and 2010 will be our year...? It's our turn to catch a break I think

Tuesday, December 1, 2009

People Kill Me

Before I forget - a lady at the gym tonight was wearing a blue tooth while working out. Really? Douche

A) why would anyone wear one?
B)why would you wear one at the gym?
C)what call is important enough that you need to have one on at all times? Pretty sure none...

People Kill Me!

Feeling Depressed

8DPIUI and I'm feeling no hope. I hate it, it's so not fair. Last week was so nice, I didn't think about it at all since we were in WY visiting the IL's. I wish I could forget about life every week. I don't know what I'm going to do with another BFN...

I know it's early but I did an IC tonight. Of course it was negative. I could say it's because it wasn't FMU or that my pee was too diluted but I know that's not the case. I'm sure this IUI didn't work and it breaks my heart. We already decided we would be taking December off so maybe we'll start back up with IUI #3 in January. **sigh**

I'm tired of feeling discouraged and sad.

Friday, November 20, 2009

Friday, finally

Had several Clomid meltdowns this week - At least that's what I'm blaming them on anyway! Sunday and last night. Last night was traffic and road rage induced. I was trying to meet DH for happy hour and to make a long story short I didn't make it due to ridonkulous traffic. I actually cried... Damn you Clomid. AND I'm still waiting to ovulate. Come on body, stop making me wait! I wnat to get IUI#2 done this weekend or early next week before we have to go away for Thanksgiving!

Anyway, after the most boring week of work ever it's finally Friday! 2 more hours to go and I'm getting my nails done and relaxing with a beer - or 2.... Ahhhh....

Today wasn't so bad. Played hooky from work and went to the mall with my sister after lunch. We mostly looked at baby clothes for her little bun in the oven, Oliver. I can't wait to meet that boy!

Next week is Thanksgiving. I go so back and forth on if I'm thankful for what I DO have or pissed of becuase of what I don't - the ability to have a child on our own. I know most people don't understand the pain associated with infertility so it's hard to verbalize it. Mostly I just try not to talk about it with anyone...

Wednesday, November 11, 2009

The Longest Month Ever

At least it seemed that way to me. The beginning of the month started with our appointment with the RE. Financially our only option right now is IUI - IVF is 100% OOP and we just can't afford that right now. Our RE thinks the chances of a BFP with IUI are slim but is willing to try. IVF is the best choice but unfortunately not in the cards for us now...

So... we are taken into the ultrasound room right away to check my ovaries to make sure it's safe to start Clomid this month. Everything looked good and AF arrived the next day.

CD 5-9 50 mg of Clomid before bed
CD 12-17 OPK's! Got my positive on October 21st, IUI scheduled for October 22nd.
CD 17 - IUI #1

November 6 - BFFN and AF arrives

So that's where we are. A FAIL for our first try and I was so disappointed. I tried really hard to hide it and keep my head up and I feel like I did an OK job... I have to just focus on the future I suppose and start focusing on IUI #2.

I hope those numbers go up again. We could sure use a higher post wash score!

A lot has changed in 5 months...

Where do I start??

July was a difficult month. After our first RE appointment we had our first SA done. NOT good resluts - 4.7 million, 49% motility and 2% morphology. There you go, no wonder we haven't gotten pregnant! I remember when we got the results and I exhaled and felt like I'd never inhale again. Our dreams of conceiving on our own or having a surprise announcement to our families was over. I was devestated - absolutely devestated. However, I just started doing my research on what our options might be and more importantly what they might cost...

RE didn't want to do much more until a 2nd SA to confirm the 1st. We did that one about 8 weeks later, the beginning of September. Results were better but still not good. 10.7 million, 37% motility and 2% morph. So on to see a Urologist to see if there was anything he could do.

After MORE waiting we saw the Urologist who unfortunately could not do anything to help us. Waited for another appointment with out RE to decide what we would do...

Monday, June 29, 2009

Today is the day

We visit the RE for the first time... Wish me luck. Really I'm just hoping to get really good information and set up a time to get the Hubby's swimmers tested. Step 1 I guess! ::sigh::

Sunday, June 28, 2009

Post #1

Well, this is my very first post - decided recently that I need an outlet, somewhere to get things off my chest without torturing anyone with what goes on in my head!

Totally depressed the weekend is almost over. 7PM on Sunday night sucks. After a whirlwind weekend of wedding festivities it's probably a good thing I'm home and relaxing. And NOT drinking - way too much of that this weekend. Hubbs is at work so I'm getting laundry done. Fun stuff.

Last week was rough - really rough. Work sucked and after a year of trying to get pregnant I saw my first IRL positive pregnancy test - my sister's. Don't get me wrong, she is my closest friend so I'm thrilled for her but also really sad for myself. The only silver lining is that we have our first appointment with the RE. Not excited it has come to that but excited that maybe we'll finally get some answers.

Going out of town for 5 days this week and it can't get here fast enough...

So this is a great place for me to vent, rant, cry, complain, whatever