Thursday, September 30, 2010
Wednesday, September 29, 2010
Tuesday, September 28, 2010
Friday night I made delicious (and healthy) turkey chili for dinner. We hung out at home and watched TV with a glass of wine since we knew it would be busy for the rest of the weekend.
Instead of getting up to lift on Saturday we slept until about 8:30 and had breakfast at home. After getting ready we made a 2 hour trek down South for my Uncle's wedding. He's been through a LOT in his life so I was glad we went to support him even though it wasn't the most convenient thing to do. He has a 15 year old son that he and our family found out about in the last couple years so we were able to meet him for the first time as well. Congrats Uncle G and my new Aunt L!
Straight from the wedding we headed up to my DH's cousin's wife's parent's condo in Black Hawk. Did ya catch all that?! We stay there a couple times a year and it's so fun. We had some cocktails, gambled and just enjoyed each other's company. They have been great friends to us so we really love hanging out with them. We didn't win any money but didn't lose it all either!
The Aspens are changing, it was pretty gorgeous up there
Friday, September 24, 2010
First of all, I'm so thankful for the support I've received during our struggle with infertility. From family (most of them don't know about this blog though), my online support from my IF girls and here in my blog. I am so thankful for the supportive comments and just knowing that there are people out there who have gone through it, understand it and always had supportive words for me when I was in the depths of my despair. It's truly a gift.
After much talking and thinking my DH and I have decided to end our journey with infertility and TTC. We have decided - at this point - to live child free. It hasn't been an easy decision, I don't know if it's the right decision, but for now it feels right. I feel an incredible sense of relief that is impossible to describe. I feel free. Please don't take this to mean that I don't care that I'll never be a mother - I do care, I care a lot. But it's out of my control. We've done as much as we, personally, are comfortable with both emotionally and financially. Who knows, someday we may reevaluate this decision and we have that option. But not now...
Yes, there will be hard days, there already have been. That is to be expected I think. The mourning period is long and I'm not sure I'll ever get over the loss of what we'll never have. It hurts that I'll never see a baby that has my nose and my DH's smile. Or feel the tiny kicks in my belly. Or have a cute baby shower to celebrate the new life we made together. Life isn't fair and I'm coming to terms with that. We'll celebrate in other ways I guess. It's all new to us so I'm still kind of navigating this new feeling.
In other updates: for some time now I have considered becoming an egg donor. I've "met" so many women online that benefit from donor eggs and I wanted to help others struggling with IF start families. Another bonus for me would have been that it I would know howI respond to the medications and see how many eggs they retrieve if we ever decideded to take the IVF route ourselves. I looked into it and after testing, bloodwork, and and appointment with an amazing therapist (I wish I could afford her myself!) I was approved. I was told I could be chosen tomorrow or not for months. I'm still waiting but when we decided NOT to pursue more treatments ourselves I wondered how I would handle the donation and had some second thoughts. I have decided that if I'm chosen I will still donate. I think it would be almost theraputic for me to help someone else have a family even if I'm not going to have my own. We will see where that adventure takes us if it happens...
So that's my update. So far, so good. :) My DH and I are excited to focus on the good in our lives. We're working on our relationship everyday and I think it will be strong again. We really are blessed even if it's not in the cards for us to have children. We'll be the fun Aunt and Uncle to our nieces and nephew and celebrate everytime we are blessed with more. I feel better and I think it's time to "get back to good", no matter how we get there - we need to get there!
A few things I'm looking forward to with our new decision (because I have to look at the positives right?): getting back to feeling 100% happy for pregnant friends. It's been years and I hope I can get back to that point. Not crying when AF arrives. This already happened this week - it honestly didn't bother me at all. No more charting, scheduling appointments around my cycle and evaluating every twinge in my ute. I don't care what CD it is and that is a nice feeling!
I'm thinking about changing the name of the blog but I'm not sure what yet. I want it to be a place for me to talk about our life as it is now, a place to vent when I'm having a bad day and of course to share the normal goings-on of a family of JUST two! Any suggestions?
Thursday, September 23, 2010
First and foremost my sexy, sweet and a (little) crazy husband. Sometimes he drives me crazy but I'm so lucky to have him!
My family - they are supportive in every way they know how!
My sister - she is my best friend and I would be absolutely lost without her!
My nephew - he brings constant happiness to my life!
What are you thankful for today?
Wednesday, September 22, 2010
A very big thank you to AmandaMqn over at Hope is Ours for this award! Awards are so fun to do and I appreciate it very much!
Here are 7 things about me you may not know:
1. I have never lived outside the state of Colorado and I probably never will - I love it here!
2. I am a huge animal lover - if I could adopt every animal that needed a home I would. I'm not picky on type of animal either, I love them all. If I won the lottery I would start a Donkey and Goat Rescue
3. Exercise is a big part of my life. It keeps me centered and balanced. Not to mention keeping me at a weight and size I am comfortable with. ;)
4. I work with family - being with them day in and day out is tiring and drives me crazy but I wouldn't trade it for the world. It's too flexible!
5. I am extremely organized and neat. I'm kind of a perfectionist. Drives my husband crazy at home and my Dad crazy at work. But they drive me equally crazy with their procrastination and disorganization!
6. I am pretty sure that someday I'll have plastic surgery. Call me vain if you must but when my boobs are drooping (more than they are now!) I'd love to have them lifted and get implants (the same size though). I'm not against a face-lift later in life. I would try Botox now but I'm kind of scared... Plus there is that little problem called money!
7. I am equal parts outdoorsy and girly. I love me a dirty camping or raft trip full of fishing, hiking, riding 4-wheelers and dirt bikes and beers by the fire. But the other half of me loves shopping, dressing up, buying and wearing make-up, wearing super tall heels, going out to nice dinners and drinking wine.
I would love to nominate the following blogs for this award:
Shannon at Double the Blessings, Twice the Love
Niki at It's Always Something
Hillary at Making Me Mom
Anne at The Makings of Baby Ostie If she has time being 39 weeks pregnant! :)
Madelyn at The Gameplan
Mrs. Huber at http://huberhousehold.blogspot.com/"> The Huber Household
Friday, September 17, 2010
I feel like I'm getting a cold so tonight after work I'll be relaxing and warding off any sick feelings! I need to rest up for tomorrow! My DH is working out with me when we wake up, which I love. Seriously it was one of my requests. Then we're cleaning the house - top to bottom. Is it weird that I love to clean and am excited about this? Next we'll hit up the farmer's market to pick up the things we need to make a bunch of yummy food (sliders, green chili, artichoke dip, homemade salsa) for our TEXAS FOOTBALL party tomorrow night! I'm so excited, it's a big game and I hope we do well! We're having some friends and family over so it will be a great evening.
Hook Em' Horns!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Sunday is the actual big day. We don't have any firm plans - yet - but I think we might go to one of our favorite restaurants/bars to watch the Bronco game at 2. Then my family will meet up later for dinner. So a fun-filled-football birthday. Too bad it's going to be in the 90's here... Football weather needs to feel more like Fall! Happy Friday everyone!
Tuesday, September 14, 2010
Thursday: wake up bright eyed and bushy tailed to finish packing, eat breakfast and get ready for the airport. After trying to leave our neighborhood twice and having to go back for forgotten items we were finally on our way! We were there early as my sister and her hubby left an hour before we did. No problem! Hit up Rock Bottom for some nachos and beers before the flight!
Arrive in hot and sunny Las Vegas, we grab a cab to the Monte Carlo, fail miserably at an attempt to upgrade our already comped room (ha!), and hop in a cab for Carnival Court (or the "circle bar" as we call it!). A few buckets of beer later led us to a couple games of Roulette and then back to the room to get ready for the night. The girls decided to hit up a gorgeous bar called the Gold Lounge in Aria. Ladies drank free so we had a GREAT time!
Friday: We woke up and had breakfast first thing. We then headed to The Pub in the Monte Carlo and sat on the awesome comfy couches in front of a big screen for the afternoon. We planned our big night of bottle service at The Bank in the Bellagio. After getting ready for the night we headed to check in for our table. The birthday Gods were looking down on me and we ended up with the best table in the club! It was a balcony up top overlooking the entire club. 2 of our own servers and bottles of vodka for the night. I was a happy girl and we had a blast!
Saturday: We had planned a party cabana for this day but since those girls backed out we downgraded to a regular cabana. When the call came bright and early that morning we decided not to take the cabana. I didn't know when everyone else would wake up so we just decided it would be too expensive and not worth it. But I was wide awake and unable to go back to sleep... Crazy right? 3 hours of sleep is apparently enough for me! We headed to breakfast and then hit the pool at Aria where 2 of our friends were staying. It was gorgeous! I got fried which sucked. I'm already itchy from the burn. We got ready for the night and hit up a brew pub for a beer chugging challenge which my hubby of course won with flying colors! I was a damn proud wife! Then we went to the Red Square in Mandalay Bay for dinner. Russian Vodka bar so I was in heaven - of course! The food was delicious but by the time our 2 hour dinner was over I was spent. No more for this girl. I went to bed while my hubby won big on the craps table!
So that's the breakdown of our trip. It was fun, I didn't think about anything IF related for 3 whole days. We relaxed and got laundry done on Monday which was a big project. :) If I could be on vacation forever I think I would. I love travelling and going new places and trying new things. I just can't get enough and hope we have time to do more of it in years to come!
Wednesday, September 8, 2010
So, today is my last day at work until next week. Tomorrow we are heading to beautiful, hot and sunny Las Vegas. We've been thinking about this trip and planning it for about 9 months so I can't believe it's finally here! We have a great group of friends joining us: my sister and her DH, my DH's cousin and his wife, a couple from college and then a couple my DH works with will be there too for a seperate trip. I can't wait! We return Sunday and we are going to be exhausted... To say the least.
The only cloud that has fallen over this trip is that one of my friends from way back, (back when we were awkward, short Jr High girls with braces) cancelled out today. Seriously? The day before we leave? Turns out she never booked, waited until the last minute and now it's too expensive. No shit, it's the day before! I'm not even really mad, just disappointed. Not to mention that I got an email, not even a phone call saying "sorry I'm missing your 30th birthday celebration after telling you I would go for the last few months". Just an email. I've done A LOT for said friend over the years and it hurts my feelings that she did this. We planned certain things around the number of people in our group and it throws a wrench in things for everyone else.
But, I'm not going to focus on that now. I am so thankful to have everyone that IS coming to celebrate with me. And we're going to have fun. Pictures will follow but I warn you - things might be getting a little wild for me in the next couple days! Woo hoo!
Friday, September 3, 2010
I got up early Wednesday morning to find that our dairy delivery had been stolen from our porch, along with the invoice. I called and they were nice enough to replace it but it still made me feel weird that someone was lurking on our porch. Yuck. Then Wednesday I also found out that a friend of mine from college is pregnant - again. She just had a baby in January and while I try to be happy for her - it still stings. I covered work alone all day so I was super tired of being there when 5 finally rolled around.
Yesterday was just so blah. I was stuck in the office alone most of the day (again) and didn't feel like talking to anyone. Just one of those days. The upside was the Fall-like weather was amazing! I went shopping with my sister and a friend after work for Vegas and didn't fine ONE thing I liked. That never happens to me - I love to shop and usually have great luck! We were there forever too so by the time I got home at 8:30 I was exhausted and grumpy.
This morning I had gained 1/2 a pound. Not a big deal (at all) but for some reason it almost made me cry! Dear Lord what is going on with my emotions today? Then I realized in the shower that the Sophie toy I ordered (back on 8/20!) for my niece-to-be never arrived. Seriously? So I go online and it shows it was scheduled to be delivered early last week. I get the tracking number to find out the details on whether it was delivered or not and the number is wrong. Also I can't reach a live human being in customer service without a tracking number. What the fuck people? You gave me the wrong number? I copied and pasted it directly from your damn invoice!!! I'm afraid it was stolen. I emailed the seller but have yet to hear back...
:::sigh::: Who is stealing things from our porch?! I guess all online purchases will have to be sent to me at work from now on. People suck.
I think the real issue is I haven't seen my DH since Sunday. It's too long to go without seeing each other in my humble opinion. At least for me. I miss him and it makes me grumpy. And when we do talk on the phone to catch up we end up bickering. He's in the car, I'm busy at work and those 2 things do not add up to a good conversation. I'm so excited that he has tonight off, we don't have plans so I hope we just spend quality time together. It's just what I need to cheer me up...
Wednesday, September 1, 2010
Fall is one of my favorite seasons I think. I love Colorado since we get to experience all 4 seasons and I love when they start to change. This is my birthday month (and Vegas month!) and also marks the start of football! Some other things I'm looking forward to are:
- all things pumpkin - beer, lattes, carving them, seeds
- all things football - Texas playing every Saturday (and hopefully winning!), Sundays spent eating chili in front of the TV watching the Broncos (hopefully winning!), and most of all my DH not working on Sundays anymore. This is by far the best part of this Fall.
- the mountains - the changing Aspens, staying a weekend at a hotel in October up there where we'll watch football and eat yummy food with friends, the occasional Fall snow storm
- home decor - I'll be busting out the Fall and Winter duvet cover, snuggly blankets, candles, my pretty Fall wreath and in November some Thanksgiving decorations too
- clothes - I'm so tired of my Summer clothes I can't wait to start wearing cute jeans, long sleeves, cozy sweaters, boots and of course hoodies. Where would we be without hoodies?!
Before we know it Winter will be here.
My goals for Fall are simple. Enjoy my life, watch tons of football, drink beer, spend time with friends and family and of course watch my nephew as he grows and learns. We spend so much time with him and every week he looks older and has done something new. I love it, I love him, he makes me so happy.
Right now - Life is good. My DH and I had a serious conversation about our future this past Saturday. Of course nothing has been decided for sure but I feel good. We still have some soul searching to do but we are on the same page - for now anyway. More on that later, this post is dedicated to all things FALL!!
I wish I had a picture to post of something Fall from last year but I'm at work. I'll have new ones soon enough to share!