Thursday, May 13, 2010

Let's Talk

Weight. Body Image. Yes, I said it. Weight and Body Image. Subjects not many women are confident in. Including myself.

I was thin throughout my High School years. It was easy. But guess what? I went to college and all that changed. I was a chubby girl for a few years. Think me but 25 pounds heavier with big cheeks and 2 chins. I just loved to eat... and eat... and eat. I have a pretty small frame and believe me, 25 extra pounds was hard on my body, hard on my body image and not at all good for my self esteem in general. Then I focused. Something inside me clicked and I started running, lifting weights, biking, hiking, eating right and being active. It was pretty easy to lose the weight and then some - and to keep it off. But let's face it. I'm getting older and I swear it's not as easy as it was even 8 months ago!

I try pretty hard to be happy with the way I look but sometimes I fail. Big time. Like this morning when I weighed and didn't see a number I liked. How is it that a little number can ruin your morning?? And why is it that this week I am a snack-machine?? It's simple really - I need to eat clean, stop snacking at night and keep working out. I am diminishing all my work out results by eating crackers! It's not worth it. Feeling good about myself is WAY better than eating popcorn and laying on the couch. But stressing over a number isn't healthy either. Where is the balance?

I can't start eating out of boredom. Or because of stress. I'm not sure where this is coming from but it has to stop. This is my cycle: I tend to freak out for a day, get back on track and then I'm fine. I'll be back where I want to be in a week or two. 2-3 pounds isn't a huge deal right? So why do I make it one...? I guess I'm afraid of going back to where I was.

I don't want to put such an emphasis on my body but in all honesty I feel better when I look good. I like to slip into my (freshly washed) favorite jeans and have them fit perfectly. I feel healthier when I'm not mowing on salty food at 8PM!

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