Tuesday, July 13, 2010

Roller Coaster

I feel like I'm riding on a roller coaster this week. Don't get me wrong, I love me a good roller coaster but not when it's my emotions on the ride! I go back and forth within MINUTES of feeling like maybe this IUI worked and then feeling like there is no way it could.

Part of me just doesn't want to get my hopes up (the smart me I think) - then there is the other part of me that is just dreaming of POAS and getting a BFP. What would it feel like to see 2 lines instead of just 1? What would it feel like to run out to my DH and tell him that we are going to have a baby in April (don't judge, of course I know when my due date would be!)? How would he feel to know that we finally succeeded in starting a family? How would it feel to tell our families and friends who know how much we've struggled with this?

I want to look at baby bedding online, to buy maternity clothes and plan a nursery. Further down the line I want to watch my child grow, learn new things, take him/her to the Zoo, buy Christmas and birthday gifts, watch them play with their cousin(s), have their first day of school. Is this too much to ask? I have all of this running through my mind and you know what? It's dangerous. I am going to be absolutely crushed if this doesn't work and the fact is: chances are not in our favor.

So you can see how this 2WW is getting to me. Already. And it's only 3dpiui... God help me. DH texted me last night and asked if I felt any different yet. Bless his heart, he is so cute. I wish I could have answered yes, I wish I had a crystal ball to see what our future holds. But I don't so we just wait. And wait, and wait, and wait. Until the 24th and if AF hasn't already arrived then I'll POAS.

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