Getting into the Christmas Spirit

I haven't felt very Christmas-y this week. Maybe it's just the strain from Sunday night with MrHoppy? Perhaps I feel different deep down since this is our first Christmas without the prospect of ever having a family? Last year I knew we had more IUIs in our future. We had discussed IVF and even the possibility of travelling to Costa Rica for IVF. Either way - the option was still there. This year it's not. And I think I feel both relief and disappointment... At the same time. Such is the way it goes with my constantly confused emotions I suppose right?

Normally I love this time of year. I love when our house is decorated - inside and out. I love cuddling under a soft blanket and watching a movie with the smell of our seasonal candles burning. The glow from the fireplace warming the room, and the pups laying in front of it of course! Christmas lights twinkling from the tree which has tons of unopened presents underneath it. But we haven't even put away our Fell decorations yet. And I'm tired of them. Who still has a Fall wreath on the front door in December? This girl!

That is all going to change tonight. After the gym and a quick shower MrHoppy and I decided we are getting into the Christmas spirit! We are going to decorate the inside of the house. We are going to have Christmas music playing, candles burning and the fire roaring. We are going to enjoy it if it kills us! :) MrHoppy already said that he's going to try to get all the lights hung outside on Saturday. Keep your fingers crossed it isn't too cold!

Really though, I am looking forward to it. With my renewed interest in our home and decorating I have some new ideas to try and we purchased a few things to spice up our current decor a few weeks ago. And I have decided I'm not using something unless I really like it. Why put things out that I just feel "eh" about?

He and I still need to talk. We haven't seen each other since our fight on Sunday night. His schedule at the beginning of each week is opposite mine so not seeing one another for a couple days isn't unusual for us. Plus it's not really a conversation we can have while I'm at work and my co-irkers can hear every word I say! We have talked though, a little bit. And I'm not as mad as I was Sunday, or even Monday. He has taken care of a lot today on his day off and I appreciate that very much. I love him and he needs to know and feel that. BUT (and this is a big but) some things need to change. We need to figure out a solution that we're both comfortable with.

So I hope in the midst of our decorating extravaganza we can talk. Open and honest communication is so important. My sister was honest with me Monday night and said she it tired of seeing me sad. She said we need to fix this or make some decisions. And I agree with her. I'm just not sure how we'll go about that yet. We shall see!

Oh and I'm going to take pictures of us decorating. And of course pictures of how everything turns out. This blog needs some more pictures so I need to stop being so lazy about downloading them!

How do you get into the Christmas spirit?

I'm an Auntie again!

My new niece arrived yesterday! November 29th, 2010.  I don't have many details yet - all I know is that Jade Elizabeth weighed in at 7lbs, 6oz and that Mom and baby were both doing fine. Oh and that she had her first poop on my MIL -which she (of course) loved!

Gotta love the details we get from MrHoppy's family huh? Granted, they live out of state and I'm sure they are a just a tad busy but still... We are an excited Aunt and Uncle! But I don't want to bother them (yet) so I'll hold off on requesting details until... ummm... tomorrow maybe? :)

And there is definitely a Skype session in our near future!

I have only received ONE picture so far and it was a just a text. You can't tell what she looks like but I have to post something! So here she is, brand new to this world! I can't believe I have to wait until May to meet her in person... :(

And I would say my SIL looks pretty fabulous for just having a baby wouldn't you?!

From thankful to confused

Today is just a dreary and sucktastic day. After such an awesome weekend I'm bummed out that I'm in this state of mind. And all because of one stupid fight...

MrHoppy surprised me Saturday with club level seat to the Bronco game for yesterday. Very sweet and thoughtful. Are the Broncos any good? Nope. Do I still LOVE going to sporting events? Yep. Win or lose I always have a fantastic time. So I was super excited that we got to go to another game. It was supposed to be cold so we planned to be up early and dress warmly!

We had a great day. Hung out with friends and watched our Broncos get beat - again! We shivered in our seats and borrowed a blanket to stay warm. There was even a little flurry that was so isolated over our section I didn't believe it was real! But I didn't care, I was having a fun day with my husband and it was so nice to have a 4 day weekend to get things done and get in a little R&R.

Then we got home and got into a stupid fight. I'm not even going to get into it, it was that stupid. It was short and loud - like our fights always turn out. But MrHoppy broke something of mine on purpose and it sent me over the edge. I wasn't even mad, I was just done. I went upstairs, put on my pj's and crawled into bed. I had clothes in the washer, clothes in the dryer and some picking up to do since we had just eaten dinner. But I didn't care. I just closed the door with the pups and cried.

I didn't cry for long. I laid there and wondered "how did I get here"? How did I wind up uphappy and how did he wind up stressed and frustrated? How long will IF take a toll on our relationship? When will we handle our emotions better and avoid blow outs that don't have anything to do with what we're fighting about anyway?

Then the confustion set in. I wondered "how do I get out of here?" Which was a really scary thought. I wondered how I could just walk away from it all and start over. Or go to sleep and not wake up. Would that be so bad? Don't get me wrong - I love him but sometimes I feel very trapped. I feel like I'm stuck somewhere I don't necessarily want to be. Not moving forward and not moving back. I hate saying it and debated even writing this post. But it doesn't do me any good to keep the way I'm feeling bottled up inside.

Is this all stemming from IF? Maybe, but regardless, I need to deal with it. We both do. Perhaps it's time to schedule another appointment with my counselor. And I think we need to go together. IF isn't the only thing bothering me. I'm frustrated with his career (lack thereof really), schedule at work, and other things I can't even think of right now. When he sets something down and scratches the mantle I painstakingly painted and I feel like screaming (but don't) - I'd say we have a problem. I don't blame him for feeling like he can't do anything right. I treat him that way sometimes which isn't fair at all.

What do I do? Where do I start? How do I keep myself from jumping on a plane and never looking back? I hate being here...

Happy Thanksgiving Eve!

We'll be at my in-law's house all day tomorrow so I won't have time to blog. So I'll do my thankful post a day early mmm-kay?

I've been emotional this week for some reason (kind of not like me) and I wonder if it has to do with the holiday? I think I'm still coming to terms with our recent decision and it's still affecting me more than I let on. Even more than I admit to myself. But I think that's to be expected, don't you?

But in the spirit of Thanksgiving I'm going to focus on what I do have. And that is a lot...

This year I'm thankful for:

- a cute, funny, sexy, generous and irritating husband ;)
- a family that loves me
- my sister who is my best friend
- my nephew - need I say  more??
- our furbabies
- an awesome house that I really do love
- a stable job
- friends that have stood by me every step of the way
- the ability to travel often

And I'm also very thankful for the strength I never knew I had. The ability to keep moving forward even when my heart is broken.

I hope everyone has a safe and happy Thanksgiving!

Weekend Recap

Ugh, I still haven't downloaded our Florida pictures. It's driving me crazy but I feel like when I'm home lately I just don't think to do it! There are a few other little projects I've been working on so that's my story. And I'm stickin' to it. I'll do it this weekend after Thanksgiving.

This weekend was fabulous. We had the best plans - NO plans! So we could do whatever we wanted, whenever we wanted.

Friday night I met my sister, brother in law and nephew for happy hour. Don't worry, we didn't have a "baby in a bar". We sat at a booth just outside the bar area. :) It didn't last long as O-Town was needing to get to bed. I went home and got a jump start on cleaning the house before MrHoppy got home from work. We've been cleaning on Friday nights lately and it's so nice to wake up Saturday morning to a clean house!

Saturday we shopped til we dropped. And didn't buy a thing for anyone else... We aren't in Christmas shopping mode yet. We are in we-want-to-shop-for-our-house mode. And that we did. We found lots of 50% off Christmas decorations at Hobby Lobby, stopped for nachos and a beer to re-fuel and then found a great new end table at Home Goods. It had a few blemishes so they gave us an extra 10% off the already low price. Score!

Sunday morning we got up early and went to my sister's house for breakfast. My nephew is so adorable and sweet and fun first thing in the morning. All smiles I tell ya. I love it. Look at this happy guy!

After breakfast we braved the grocery store... As did everyone else in our town! It was a zoo. But we were patient and got what we needed for 3 days of healthy eating before Thursday! While we were out we bought a Sunday paper so I could check out the sales for the week and Black Friday.

I was so excited when I saw JC Penny's had their window coverings on sale 40%-60% off! I've been looking for new curtains since we bought our furniture in September. I had an idea of what I wanted and just couldn't find it. Our house had a lot of brown so I wanted to lighten it up a bit. I found panels that were originally $60/panel. They were on sale and after the 15% coupon I had and a coupon from the paper I got them for $22/panel! SCORE! And not what I pictured in there but they look awesome. They add some color in a palatte that I'd like to accesorize in anyway. I'll get a good picture of them this week during the day. I took one last night at dusk and it just doesn't do that area justice.

All in all, a fabulous weekend. And we are SO looking forward to this week. Short work week and time spent with family. I'll take it!

Good Evening

Last night that is... :) MrHoppy and I haven't had an evening of just us in a long time. Where we just sit and talk, catch up and laugh with no interruptions. We finally had one last night and it was much needed. I loved it.

We talked about all my ideas for our house. Just little things to update it, change up our decor and make it exactly how we want it. I was surprised and so happy when he was totally on board. Most of the projects will be inexpensive but a little time consuming. And with most of them I'll need his help so it was important to me that he be interested and willing.

He was even more excited when I showed him some of the blogs I read about home renovations. So much so that he busted out the rope lights we've been storing in the garage and not using because all the brackets they attach to on the deck were broken... in one Summer... grrrr... annoying. But they came in handy anyway! He installed them above the kitchen cabinets so we have some mood-lighting in that room now! It was so quick and easy and really makes a difference.

Tomorrow we're planning to spend the day shopping for a few items. An entryway table or bar cabinet is first on our list. We know what we want and we aren't going to settle for less! Since everything needs to stay in budget we'll check out Home Goods, Gordman's, Hobby Lobby, Michaels, and even Goodwill. You never know what you'll find!

What is everyone else up to this weekend?

Thankful on Thursday

Today (aside from just being thankful that the weekend is almost here!) I am thankful for my new hobby. It's not really a hobby yet since I've only made one thing but I'm hoping now that the weather is cooler I'll have more time to spend at my sewing machine.

MrHoppy understood how lonely and bored I was getting so when I suggested we find a used sewing machine on craigslist he was all for it. It doesn't hurt that my Mom is an amazing seamstress and knows all about them. How am I not already a pro after growing up with a sewing Mom?? I don't know, but I'm not. She was just as excited as I was when we found a practically new Brother machine close to home for less than $100! I snatched it up and immediately and bought all the things I would need to go with it for little projects.

And then it just sat there... and sat there... and I was busy...

Really I just needed help getting started. I had a pattern all cut out but didn't know where or how to start. So my awesome seamstress of a Mother came over and we made this little bag:

Isn't it cute? And it didn't cost me anything. She had lots of scrap fabric leftover from other projects and she let me have all of it. It's even lined in a cute yellow material. 

I quickly decided it was the perfect bag to store one of my other Winter hobbies...

Knitting! I started this scarf early this year and didn't finish it. I just don't knit when the weather is warm. So I'm going to be finishing it up and I think it will be a Christmas gift for someone. And I have to admit - the only thing I knit is scarves. One of the things I enjoy most about knitting is that I can do it while I watch TV, or zone out, or if I have a few down minutes at work. Making something more detailed would take way more concentration which kind of defeats the purpose for me. So for now, I'm happy just knitting scarves. :)
And I have pictures of the lining in my bag and the scarf I'm working on that won't download right now! Frustrating... What's up blogger?