I haven't felt very Christmas-y this week. Maybe it's just the strain from Sunday night with MrHoppy? Perhaps I feel different deep down since this is our first Christmas without the prospect of ever having a family? Last year I knew we had more IUIs in our future. We had discussed IVF and even the possibility of travelling to Costa Rica for IVF. Either way - the option was still there. This year it's not. And I think I feel both relief and disappointment... At the same time. Such is the way it goes with my constantly confused emotions I suppose right?
Normally I love this time of year. I love when our house is decorated - inside and out. I love cuddling under a soft blanket and watching a movie with the smell of our seasonal candles burning. The glow from the fireplace warming the room, and the pups laying in front of it of course! Christmas lights twinkling from the tree which has tons of unopened presents underneath it. But we haven't even put away our Fell decorations yet. And I'm tired of them. Who still has a Fall wreath on the front door in December? This girl!
That is all going to change tonight. After the gym and a quick shower MrHoppy and I decided we are getting into the Christmas spirit! We are going to decorate the inside of the house. We are going to have Christmas music playing, candles burning and the fire roaring. We are going to enjoy it if it kills us! :) MrHoppy already said that he's going to try to get all the lights hung outside on Saturday. Keep your fingers crossed it isn't too cold!
Really though, I am looking forward to it. With my renewed interest in our home and decorating I have some new ideas to try and we purchased a few things to spice up our current decor a few weeks ago. And I have decided I'm not using something unless I really like it. Why put things out that I just feel "eh" about?
He and I still need to talk. We haven't seen each other since our fight on Sunday night. His schedule at the beginning of each week is opposite mine so not seeing one another for a couple days isn't unusual for us. Plus it's not really a conversation we can have while I'm at work and my co-irkers can hear every word I say! We have talked though, a little bit. And I'm not as mad as I was Sunday, or even Monday. He has taken care of a lot today on his day off and I appreciate that very much. I love him and he needs to know and feel that. BUT (and this is a big but) some things need to change. We need to figure out a solution that we're both comfortable with.
So I hope in the midst of our decorating extravaganza we can talk. Open and honest communication is so important. My sister was honest with me Monday night and said she it tired of seeing me sad. She said we need to fix this or make some decisions. And I agree with her. I'm just not sure how we'll go about that yet. We shall see!
Oh and I'm going to take pictures of us decorating. And of course pictures of how everything turns out. This blog needs some more pictures so I need to stop being so lazy about downloading them!
How do you get into the Christmas spirit?
9 months ago