Thursday, December 16, 2010

(Trying to Be) Thankful on Thursday


I'll be honest and just say that I'm not feeling the whole thankful spirit thing today. I don't know what's wrong with me, I'm just feeling so blah.

Honestly - and this is really hard to say - I think I need to go back and see my counselor. I am feeling "not myself" again and it's really bothering me. I'm kind of all over the place in my mind and so I think talking to her will help. MrHoppy and I discussed this last night and I think I'm going to go and we'll do some sessions together. I'll start back up after the first of the year.

I guess a lot of it is stemming from a feeling of discord and indecision I've been experiencing in my life lately. Big decisions have been made and now small(er) decisions are going to be made. Here is one subject I've been mulling over in my mind: The house situation.

- We bought and moved into our house in 2006 with the idea we'd live in the 'burbs, start a family and live our life in bliss. 4 bedrooms, 4 bathrooms, big yard, 3 car garage, 2.5 kids, 2 dogs... You know the "American Dream". It was perfect for us with plenty of room to grow. Well come to find out, our family isn't going to grow. This is it. And now when I think about the sleepy city we live in and our house I just want change. I want to move back to the city, get a smaller house and be close to museums, restaurants, shopping, bars,  ACTIVITY for the love of God!

- The housing market is making it tough for us to make a decision. I'm afraid to pull the trigger. We got our house for a steal and have done a lot of upgrades (built a huge deck, finished the basement, etc) and I would like to make some money back on those things. It's such a gamble - I've seen houses sell in our neighborhood recently for more than we paid for ours and also for much less.

- We don't want to wait indefinitely to make our move. Who knows when the market will come back? So maybe we should sell, hope for a tiny profit (if any), pray we don't have a loss and get the hell out? Due to MrHoppy's previous medical bill disasters it's going to be hard to get a loan in this climate. So we could sell, rent a cute house in the city and save money for a down payment. In the meantime really narrow down the neighborhoods we love and find our forever home in the city?

Wow that got really long. See what I mean? I don't know what to do. And if we are going to stay in our house I want to keep making upgrades and redecorating since I'm really enjoying that. But if we're going to move it's going to be a waste of time (and money).

I absolutely love our house but it has become another reminder of the family we'll never have. I'm bored where we live and there isn't anything for young couples to do really.

Any advice? What would you do?

Oh and today I am MOST thankful that I get to leave work at 3:30! Our poor Ridgey has to get the staples removed from her foot so Mama gets out of work early! Hopefully they say everything has healed great (minus the tendons for course) and it goes fast so I can hit the gym and work out some of this tension!


  1. Hoppy - are you guys done doing IF treatments completely? Or are you just taking a break. Sorry, I've been kind of in a bubble for a while now.

    The burbs are a wicked bummer when you're living life without kids. I completely understand. I told Joe that I would only do two fresh IVF cycles and then we were moving onto plan B. Plan B involved cashing in his 401K so that we could sail around the world for a year and then moving to Belize when we were done, and living the rest of our days there.

    If you think it would make you happier to sell and move back to the city, I say do it. Yes, the market isn't great and you may not make a ton on your house (or anything for that matter). But what is the price for happiness?

  2. Thanks nikki, I think that is what I'm leaning toward. But your plan sounds even better - maybe we should sail the world and move to a different country! :)

    Yes, we are done with treatments for good. Early on MrHoppy made it clear he wasn't on board with IVF and while I might go further myself, I respect his stopping point. It's kind of nice he gave us a cut off. I know myself and I don't know if I would have ever stopped, KWIM?

    It's been a transition and I don't know if you ever get over it but I'm doing what I can! Hanging in!

    On and exciting and happy note: when are those babies going to be here, I'm so excited for you my dear!!

  3. Oh my, I didn't realize where you were in the process at all. I'm sorry if any of my questions seemed insensitive! I completely understand having stopping points and needing to set limits. We stretched the boundaries of what we were willing to do and go through a few times. Sometimes you call an audible and sometimes the game plan is the only plan.

    I respect your position on the situation, but I wanted to offer big (((HUGS))) I know that the transition cannot be an easy one. I definitely vote for a move as far out of the burbs as possible.

    Our talks on plan b were to always do the antithesis of what we thought would happen. So if we were going to live in the burbs and raise a family and save for retirement and college, then the *clearly* logical opposite was to see the world, break out of the 9-5, live like there's no tomorrow and worry about old age later :)

    Thank you for being excited for me. I appreciate that. We are getting close. I anticipate their arrival in the next four weeks. The longer they stay in the better for them (I just have to keep reminding myself of that!)

    I know we don't "know" each other, but we do in a sense and if you ever need anything I'm just a message away!

  4. I definitely didn't take it as insensitive at all nikki! I appreciate your support very much, it is a difficult transition and it seems like I'm dealing with a new emotion all the time!

    I'm sure you are so ready, you've done such a great job cookin' those little ones! :)